REUTERS — A senior adviser to presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is urging the candidate not to appear in person at his rallies but rather to stage “virtual campaign events” featuring music and a Romney hologram. He cites Romney’s “off the charts” inability to connect with voters as the reason for the proposed change.
“We hired Frank Luntz to focus group the Governor’s personal qualities,” says the adviser, who wishes to remain anonymous. “To say the results were ugly is an understatement. Participants got visibly angry just watching Mitt on video. One woman threw her shoe at Luntz and threatened to sue him. We knew right then that we had a serious problem.”
This adviser subsequently suggested (“out of desperation”) that Luntz focus group a Mitt Romney hologram. Surprisingly, group participants perceived the virtual candidate as far more genuine and likable than the real thing.
“It wasn’t even a great hologram,” says the Romney adviser. “Maybe that’s the secret. People expect a flesh and blood human being to show them something. With a grainy hologram, the bar is set pretty darn low. They didn’t fall in love with virtual Mitt by any means, but at least they didn’t throw stuff.”
The adviser believes Romney’s holographic appearances could excite younger voters.
“My idea is to blast White Zombie’s ‘More Human Than Human’ when we unleash the Mitt-O-Gram,” he says. “Right now, all we’ve got is Ted Nugent.”