Posted by: Rick | Thursday, July 8, 2010

“Paranoia Polytechnic” (Glenn Beck Poem)

Offered exclusively to Insider Extreme subscribers, Beck University is a unique academic experience bringing together experts in the fields of religion, American history and economics.  Through captivating lectures and interactive online discussions, these experts will explore the concepts of Faith, Hope and Charity and show you how they influence America’s past, her present and most importantly her future. — Glenn Beck’s Website

I could have gone to Boise State,
Or maybe MIT;
I might have been a Volunteer —
The pride of Tennessee!

I took instead a less worn path
(As young men often do) —
Against my better judgment
I enrolled at Glenn Beck U.

My first few days were anxious;
I was feeling quite alone.
I rang Dean Beck for counsel,
And he screamed: “Get off my phone!”

Dean Beck was touchy, that’s for sure —
He seemed a bit defensive —
As if he knew his knowledge base
Was less than comprehensive.

His lectures were confusing,
And his chalkboard made me squint.
His arrows, lines and word balloons
Looked like a Pollock print.

He saw conspirators at work
Behind each rock and tree,
As “secular progressives” schemed
To steal his liberty.

By Christmas I had heard enough —
I bid Dean Beck adieu.
If paranoia’s what you seek,
Then go to GBU.

I don’t think Glenn Beck will be satisfied with just offering a few ludicrous online “courses” for teabaggers.  I think he wants to be another Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson and have his own actual school.  With buildings and everything. 




  1. This should be the university motto:

    GBU: For Those Who Are Unable To Think For Themselves

  2. Haha! Great poem, Rick!


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