Posted by: Rick | Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Return Of Fuzzy Math

So apparently the Republicans are promising to make “deficit reduction” one of their top priorities.  This should be good for a few laughs.  In case you haven’t been paying attention for the last thirty years, here’s the playbook:

STEP 1:  The Boner and The Turtle demand another round of tax cuts for Bill Gates, Tiger Woods and Lady Gaga.  They claim that these tax cuts will “pay for themselves”.

STEP 2:  Republican wunderkind Paul Ryan proposes to balance the budget by privatizing Social Security and Medicare.  Pundits praise him for his courage.

STEP 3:  Tea baggers go ballistic when they find out the Republicans want to mess with their entitlements.  The Ryan plan goes straight down the memory hole.  Time to dust off trusty ol’ Plan B. . .

STEP 4:  John McCain gets up on his hind legs and rails against “earmarks”.  Pundits praise him for his courage.  The government saves enough money to buy John Boehner a new tanning bed.

STEP 5:  Republicans slash the funding for twelve anti-poverty programs and two museums exhibiting dirty pictures.  The government saves enough money to buy Mitch McConnell a human chin.

STEP 6:  The red ink flows like Niagara.  Dick Cheney emerges from his fortified mine shaft to remind Republicans that “deficits don’t matter”.

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