Posted by: Rick | Thursday, April 21, 2011

Glengarry Glen Medicare (A Play)


Scene: Downtown Chicago. The offices of Amalgamated Senior Healthcare Solutions. BLAKE, a consultant dispatched by Mitch and Murray from corporate, is meeting with the RyanCare sales force (SHELLEY LEVENE, DAVE MOSS, AND GEORGE ARONOW ).

BLAKE (addressing Levene at the back of the room): Put the coffee down. Coffee is for closers. And you, Mr. Levene, are a loser. 

MOSS: And what makes you such a hotshot? Why should anyone here listen to your bullshit?

BLAKE: Because, gentlemen, thanks to Paul Ryan and the boys back in Washington, you lazy assholes are now are in the extremely lucrative business of selling partially subsidized health insurance policies to really, really old people. And I can sell one of these worthless pieces of shit to a goddamned walking corpseThat’s why.

LEVENE: The leads are weak.

BLAKE: No — you’re weak. Mitch and Murray had their doubts about you guys cutting it. So they gave you a list of the sickest, most pathetic walker jockeys in Chicago, and they asked you pick their bones clean. It should have been a piece of fucking cake.

ARONOW: I’m just in a slump. Every time I’m about to close lately, I get asked about the regulations —

BLAKE: The regulations? Jesus Christ, Aronow — our people wrote the goddamned regulations! The regulations are there to make us fucking rich. Do you seriously think the poor dumb bastard across from you on a sit is in any position to “shop around” for decent health care? Because if you do, then you’re an even bigger fucking loser than I thought.

MOSS: Yeah, you’re a real big man with your Rolex and your BMW and your big talk. But you’re still full of shit. We need those Glengarry leads.

BLAKE: Well, that, my friend, is not going to happen. Now listen to me and listen good. There’s a mob of sick, desperate Americans outside your door right now. They all have one foot in the grave and the other foot on a fucking banana peel. Are you man enough to go out there and take their money? Or do you want to be a loser for the rest of your life? The choice is yours, my friend. The choice is yours.

Curtain.



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