Posted by: Rick | Wednesday, June 29, 2011

BREAKING: Pawlenty Warns of Polar Shift, Planet X

REUTERS — Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty broke new scientific ground today, warning that the entire Solar System faces “annihilation” if Barack Obama is re-elected.

“There is climate change, but my research indicates that most of it, if not all of it, is due to natural causes,” he said on Fox & Friends.  “As to the human contribution to that, there’s some dispute.  I conclude that global warming is a hoax concocted by Al Gore and George Soros.”

“The real threat comes from Planet X, which I have spotted just behind Neptune,” said the former Minnesota governor.  “There’s a reason they call it the ‘demon planet’.  According to my calculations, when it reaches Earth, the negative gravitational effects of its highly elliptical orbit will trigger a job-killing polar shift, followed by the annihilation of any planet in the Solar System that refuses to submit to its socialist agenda.  And Barack Obama has done nothing.”

Asked what he would do to avert the danger posed by the rogue planet, Pawlenty said, “Remember the scene in Armageddon where Billy Bob Thornton asks the guys what they want for blowing up the asteroid?  Well, I’m calling for the elimination of all taxes on anyone who seems to have a good idea.  I want to incentivize the private sector to create jobs and save our Solar System.”

Analysts expect Pawlenty’s new line of attack to play well in Iowa, where Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann have made inroads into the lunatic vote.

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Responses

  1. Awesome. Rick did you see the article on Michele Bachmann in the latest issue of Rolling Stone? She’s crazy.


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