Posted by: Rick | Thursday, July 7, 2011

How The Cleaver Family Used Paul Ryan’s Budgetary Principles To Get Its Fiscal House In Order (A Play)

Scene: Mayfield, USA. 211 Pine Street. The Cleaver home.

JUNE: Ward, don’t you think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night?

WARD: Now is not the time to discuss our sex life, June. Can’t you see the boys are here?

JUNE: I’m not talking about that, Ward. I’m talking about your making the Beaver get a third paper route. He has to go to school, you know.

BEAVER: Yeah, Dad. And on account of I’m not real brainy, I need to spend a whole bunch of time on homework and junk.

WARD: I’m sorry, Beaver, but money is tight these days. Sure, I’d like to go to the office on weekends to bring in more revenue, but then I wouldn’t be able to spend half my paycheck at the Country Club, and the whole economy of Mayfield would suffer. You see, son, I’m what’s known as a job creator.

BEAVER: But Dad, Miss Caulfield says I’ll flunk the third grade if I don’t do better. You’ll clobber me.

WARD: The matter is settled, Beaver. I’ve arranged for you to start delivering the morning edition of the Mayfield Bugle. You’re to turn all the money you make from your paper routes over to me. And I’m keeping your allowance, too. It’s time you pulled your own weight around here.

WALLY: What about me, Dad? Do I still have to quit high school and take that job down at the lumber yard?

WARD: I’m afraid so, Wally. You can get your GED when you’re out of my house. Right now, this family needs to tighten its belt. Now you and Beaver go on up to your room.

Exit BEAVER and WALLY

JUNE: Ward, it’s a shame we have to ruin the boys’ lives just because you refuse to work harder.

WARD: Well June, there is something else we could do. Getting back to the subject of our sex life — You’re quite the little minx when you put your mind to it. Have you ever thought of turning a few tricks on the side. . . ?

CURTAIN

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Responses

  1. Love the ending! Spot on!

  2. I love the opening line by June and Ward.

    • It’s an oldie but goodie.


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