Posted by: Rick | Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dinner Conversation At Allen West’s House (A Very Short Play)

PROLOGUE: Rep. Allen West unleashed a scathing email to House leadership to raise his objections to “unprofessional and inappropriate sophomoric behavior” from fellow Sunshine State lawmaker Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, after the Florida Democrat waged what West has deemed a personal character attack on the House floor. . .

Scene: The Allen West residence. Washington D.C. 7:00 pm.

Mrs. West: I canceled our scuba diving vacation. The girls have soccer practice. Besides, I don’t really like scuba diving. I’d like to do something else this summer.

Rep. West: Let me make myself perfectly clear: You want a personal fight, I am happy to oblige.

Mrs. West: Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit? You know I hate scuba diving.

Rep. West: If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face, otherwise, shut the heck up.

Mrs. West: All right, Mr. Big Shot. I hate scuba diving and I’m not going!

Rep. West: From this time forward, understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior . . . which dates back to the disgusting protest you ordered at my scuba diving headquarters October 2010 in Deerfield Beach.

Mrs. West: Allen, you really need to stop hanging out with those teabaggers. They’re scrambling up your brain.

Rep. West: You are the most vile, unprofessional, and despicable member of this house.

Mrs. West: I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. I’m going out on the porch until you cool off. Remember to clean up the kitchen.

Rep. West: You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!

Mrs. West: Whatever. Just don’t put the wine glasses in the dishwasher again. We only have two left.


Rep. West’s dialogue adapted from his actual email to Ms. Wasserman Schultz



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