Posted by: Rick | Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Rick Perry: “I’m Not An A—Hole”

REUTERS — Stung by allegations that he’s an a total a—hole, Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry is firing back at critics.

“Contrary to what you may have heard from the liberal media, I’m not an a—hole,” said the two and a half term Texas Governor. “I just have a lot of self-confidence. It’s part of my Lone Star DNA. I intend to bring some sorely needed swagger back to Washington — and anybody who doesn’t like it can kiss my rebel butt cheeks.”

Leading Democrats aren’t buying Perry’s denial.

“In my book, a governor who uses stimulus money to balance his state’s budget and then turns around and rips the stimulus is an a—hole, plain and simple,” said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “I don’t care how nice his hairdo is.”

Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin agreed, adding, “Glenn Beck once said he wouldn’t mind French kissing Rick Perry. If that doesn’t make Perry an a—hole, what does?”

Political analysts are divided on the potential impact of the a—hole issue.

“You can’t be perceived as a complete jerk and expect to close the gender gap,” says Democratic pollster Celinda Lake. “Women won’t stand for that kind of behavior.”

But Republican strategist Dick Morris thinks the struggling economy will overshadow all other concerns in 2012.

“By 2004, most voters were pretty sure George W. Bush was an a—hole, but the war on terror superseded everything, and Bush was re-elected,” says Morris. “As long as Perry has a credible economic plan next year, he can be the biggest d—k in the world and still waltz into the White House.”

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Responses

  1. Dubya 2.0. What did we do to deserve this?


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