REUTERS — Conceding that conventional Republican economic polices (corporate deregulation and tax cuts for the rich) do not create jobs, GOP Congressional leaders today put forth a new proposal: the Beg, Grovel and Plead Act of 2011.
“America’s job creators have us over a barrel,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “I still believe in trickle-down economics, but how many more handouts can we give these people? It’s time for a bold new approach.”
“The President’s plan to give tax relief to ordinary Americans is a non-starter,” said House Speaker John Boehner. “The middle class needs to pull itself up by its own bootstraps, just like I did when I turned my back on my dad’s smelly tavern.
“Republicans don’t believe in throwing money down a rathole,” continued Boehner. “Only job creators can create jobs. Under the Beg, Grovel and Plead Act, members of Congress will fan out across the country to stand in front of rich people — hat in hand — and ask them to please find it in their hearts to hire somebody. Preferably not an illegal alien.”
“This plan won’t add one penny to the deficit,” said McConnell. “That’s the beauty of it. And if it doesn’t work — well, at least we tried.”
Initial Democratic reaction to the plan was harsh.
“This may be the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard,” said Senate Minority leader Harry Reid.